We are not hard-wired to faults. We are hard-wired to Follow Him.

 A close family member uses this excuse for anyone with a bad habit in our family. "They are just hard-wired that way." I never agreed with it, and now I understand why.

Each of those members of our family that they use that excuse for were also baptized making a covenant to follow Christ and be like Him, but more importantly, they were told to receive the Holy Ghost. THAT is the moment they started becoming "hard-wired", but not for sin, but for following the Savior.

The big tide of confusion in our world today amongst many others is that of gender dysphoria or also same- gender attraction and the million offshoots that Satan has attached to them and creates more each day. The idea that you are attracted to the same gender. Or feeling like you're a man, trapped in a woman's body. Or that you're not attracted to either gender physically. They call them gay, lesbian, transgender, queer, and a million other names. They've even tried to label heterosexuals as CIS gender-meaning, what you were assigned at birth, they got it right. There is no such thing as that title. There's women and there's men. Everything else is a man-made lie, however convincing or real they may seem. 

Our genders are eternal because our spirits our eternal. You can't change your spirit in that way they try to medically change their gender or even anatomy. You CAN however listen to the wrong influence, Satan, for so long, that you believe his lies(I wish I could make the "h" on "his" even tinier, because he's just that meaningless.) 

I heard of a Priests Quorum advisor that taught 2 hard-core drug addicts during his mission, unwillingly at first. But after promising to teach with them only if they cleaned their room so the Spirit could be there. The one listened and wanted to be baptized and become clean but he said he was too addicted, that it meant everything to him and he couldn't change. They came back a while later to be told he was gone, most likely dead from an overdose. It wasn't until months later he got a call from the young man's mom saying, through tears, that as a missionary, this advisor had saved her sons life because he felt the truth of the Spirit, hitch-hiked home across the country to his parents, asked for help, got admitted to a rehab facility, got clean, and was baptized. The addiction is powerful, but not more than the Savior's Grace from His Atonement.

Several close family members, past and present, suffer from anxiety, including myself. But during a particularly difficult time a tender young family member was given a blessing that I'll never forget, and I won't let them forget it either. It said they was specifically given anxiety from the Lord to bring them closer to Him. 

If we looked at all our temptations, struggles, weaknesses, and sins like that, we'd never be victim to them. This sweet soul will be baptized in a few months and will receive the Holy Ghost. I plan to emphasize that that Gift will help them overcome everything and anything, as I've already told them in the past.

Another close family member met their worst fear on their mission. They met a woman who after a minute with her, sensed the gal had given in to homosexual feelings (who was an inactive member and had one point served a mission, too) and my family member became scared because they too, have struggled with some form of those feelings for a long time. They shared it with their mission president's wife and she didn't judge them, but affirmed it could happen and those feelings were powerful, but she didn't say REAL. 

Later this same family member would marry their spouse and they would see any weakness as just that, a weakness, not a TRAIT. They don't own us, we don't own them. This person confidently states they have no "closet" to come out of and never will, because they refuse to let their soul be hard-wired to something it's not. 

Another dear family member used to say they had "a firery-Italian side"and "it" wasn't afraid to let people "have it". But this person learned that that wasn't their true identity and has learned to harness it, push it down, and listen to the Spirit instead, and funny enough as extinguished many "fires" in others because they didn't let that "firery" side be the winner. They called it bossing your brain...I call it, the Spirit.

If my kids ever come to me saying they're gay, or trans, or drug addicts, or porn addicts, or anorexic-I will never say, Ok, I love you, will always love you, but let's work with the Spirit to train their souls to know the truth and fight the lies.

Transfer #2-What a week that 9 days was!

 I was scheduled for transfer #2 Monday, June 26th. Well, Sunday morning before at 4:30 a.m. I wake up because I can't breathe very well. It continues like this til I get up and feed the kids at around 7. Then I felt nauseous and dizzy and I told Thomas I think it best if I went to the ER. He agreed. So I showed up just before 8 am with labored breathing and a tight chest. They got me a breathing treatment, took blood samples, x-rays of my chest, ct scans to rule out blood clots, called their oncologist because my white blood count was 25 (normal is like 3-10). That guy said it was highly unlikely it's cancer because my wbc a month ago was totally normal and cancer doesn't happen that fast. Or at least he highly doubted it. So they thought it was an infection, but from what they didn't know. They said they'd start me on an antibiotic and I told them I was already taking a Zpak as part of the surrogacy process along with the hormones. So that stumped them. They thought maybe I was reacting to the hormones, but I thought that wasn't right because I've taken the hormones before 6 months ago with no reactions. (My dad thought it was possible, just like the second round of an immunization your body "attacks" because it recognizes it this time.)The last thought they had was pericarditis, which is the lining outside your heart becomes inflamed, which in my case wasn't life threatening because it was mild and I should just take a couple ibuprofen to reduce the inflamation....which I told him I couldn't taken that because it counteracts with the hormones and pregnancy...leaving him to say...well?....you're just going to be irritated for a while then, sorry. lol. 

So I called my fertility clinic to run the whole thing by them and the dr there wasn't worried about the blood count being a complication, we'd check the count again in a week, and proceed anyway. With the one condition that I'd continue taking valium for the next 3 days every 8 hours....oh boy.

Monday came and I felt better. I scared everyone pretty good, though. I took the valium a little earlier before the transfer this time so it wouldn't tickle when they checked my bladder with the ultrasound. It's an interesting drug. You're not loopy, necessarily, but just very relaxed and slow....kind of like Oogway from Kung Fu Panda. Or Flash the Sloth from Zootopia.

Dr came in and showed us a picture of the embryo and it was a lot different this time because it was breaking out of it's shell. So he was very encouraged by that. But I told the IP mom that I was staying neutral until the blood test. Transfer went well and I went home and slept and ate and slept for 3 days. 

Princess day 2 was also Thomas's birthday, and I'd orchestrated with his boss, a neighbor, Grandma Margaret, and Ihop that I was taking him for a breakfast birthday before work....but since I was still on valium...I wasn't allowed to drive. So his boss told him she needed him to swing by Ihop on the way to work for a company breakfast and told "everyone" not to eat that morning before they came. Then I called Ihop the night before and explained my hubby was coming to pick up a fake order for his company and they were happy to play along. I called again when I was lucid enough in the morning to confirm they got the memo from the night before. They hadn't but were happy to play along.

So Thomas left to "pick up the order",  I got my shot for the morning, then immediately my neighbor picked me and the kids up with balloons and Reeses for Thomas and drove to Grandma Margaret's so she could watch my kids (when we got to her place, Ihop called and asked if I was close because Thomas had been there quite a while and they were looking bad for not "having the order ready" yet. Told them we were just around the corner). So my neighbor then drives me to Ihop down the road and Thomas texts me 2 blocks away saying, "I don't think my boss knows it's my birthday, but here I am at Ihop, about to pick up my favorite breakfast, and just thinking, God knows each of us." Me and my neighbor about died laughing, but hey, Thomas wasn't wrong! Heheh. So we get there and I walk in slowly in balloons and Reeses and say," Surprise!!!" I'm the order you're picking up. It was all a hoax to take you to breakfast and your boss and Ihop were in on it." He gave me a surprised, happy hug, called me a turkey, and we had a good time, especially since I was kind of wobbly from the Valium. And walking me to the car with me on his arm, and leftovers and balloons in his other hand was quite entertaining. He says I kept swaying the other way and he had to pull me back and I kept saying I was fine. lol. So back to Gma Margaret's to have her drive us back and off Thomas went to work haha. Then the kids went to a sitter's and I....went to sleep. lol

I finally felt normal by Saturday morning so we did house stuff, then went to the pool, then met up with my brother, Ryan, and his friend and we played in the park and talked. 

Monday my blood count came back and it was just slightly elevated at 11 where normal is 10.3 highest, so it was definitely calming down. Yay :) Normal week and I carried the attitude this transfer that if it took....awesome!....if it didn't...I'd shrug and say, oh well. 

Thursday morning was the blood test and for the first time, my thoughts weren't complying with that mindset. But I told myself there was no use fretting until I had the result. But I was cranky and short because I was secretly nervous...after all..the 1st time didn't work. I texted my coordinator from the Fertility center asking her the favor of sounding upbeat no matter the news. 

She called on my way to Gma Margaret's with the kids and her first question was,"When am I NOT upbeat and perky with you???" We had a good giggle and I said it was true, she always was, but since I'd had a sad tone with the last bad news last transfer and I was sooooooo bummed, I just wanted it upbeat either way, and I quickly said, "So just give it to me straight..." She replied, well you're fine, because it worked. You're pregnant!" ................."Wait....it worked???!" and she said to not sound so surprised. I told her I was because the last time it didn't work! She said my hCg was 171 which was great, and we'd have a follow up next Thursday to see if the levels were rising, then we'd have an ultrasound to in a few weeks to check for a heart beat. My head heard very little of that because it was still stuck on "You're pregnant."  

So I plan to still be chill. But I am 4 weeks and 3 days. We'll see what happens! Fingers crossed!