What Mother's Day taught me about the Sabbath

I've always had a hard time with how the Sabbath is a day of rest, when it feels like anything but sometimes. But then I was doing laundry before tomorrow and this idea came to me.  

So a common stigma with Mother's Day is a day dedicated to appreciating mom and her getting to take a day off. Breakfast in bed (often burnt to a crisp with love and beaming smiles all around) and not having to cook dinner. Also not having to do laundry, or dishes, etc. 

So here I am, folding clothes so I can "be ready" for tomorrow...so I can take a "day of rest". Then I had the song from Primary come to mind. 

"Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday. We clean the house and we shine our shoes....so we don't have to work until Monday."

The gist is you do everything the day before so you can prepare to rest and be pampered. 

 

Perhaps we're given a day of rest and we should be preparing our minds and hearts to be comforted, fed, and taught. 

I was sitting here tonight, folding clothes, so I could be allowed to "honor" myself. We have a day given to us to honor God, each week. 

Often times I see friend and family thinking of both days, Sunday and Mother's Day, as the worst days of the week and the year. Sunday is a burden instead of a blessing because we think of what we can't do or that we have to dress up and be reverent for 2 hours. Mother's day is painful for those who never got to physically be a mother or for those whose mom passed away, or had a less than ideal mother, or the all time favorite...there is no day of rest. Instead, the opposite! You have to make the food, and take care of everyone, and you don't get flowers, or goodies....I remember one year Mother's day was exactly that.

I was visiting family, my sister and I cooked for everyone, and no one was helping, and I was annoyed and tired from all the cooking and others-pampering. 

That's besides the point. God created everything amazing we see and don't see. He asked for one day of the week so we could honor and remember Him and re-calibrate our relationship with Him. And when we DO honor that day, He blesses us. It's like we honor Mother's Day and Mom takes US out for ice cream and we grow closer together. 

So tomorrow...Think of honoring both Mom, and God.  

Now I know the difference

 When I graduated to the Ob's office at 10 weeks it was very exciting for the intended parents because they'd never been to the OB before for baby appointments because their first child was during covid and in another state. I was glad to be done with the fertility center because it meant progress, though I love my second coordinator.

10 1/2 weeks hit and I started bleeding randomly with no pain, but lots of it. I called my angel L&D nurse Ana and she was bummed with me when I told her I thought I was miscarrying and had passed the baby, but very surprised because there wasn't pain. I went to the OB and they somberly saw me. I handed the OB what I passed and he said he would check it out in the lab. We went to the ultrasound and he told me, "Um, baby is right there..." with a big smile. I was SHOCKED. Out loud I asked what the heck did I just pass then if not the baby. He told me a blood clot and that I had placenta previa, which I knew was a possibility and very dangerous for baby and carrier, but I didn't know it was a thing this early on. The placenta was right over the cervix and I was passing blood clots because of it. It didn't hurt and there was no cramping, so that indicated I wasn't miscarrying.He told me there was no substantial evidence that bed rest would help it, but to take it easy anyway. We'd check on it at the next appointment in 12 weeks. 

Happy ending was bleeding stopped a day or two later and didn't pick up again.

I really didn't want to tell the intended parents because the baby was fine and so was I and I didn't want to worry them. I told them because Dr. said it was their right to know. They were grateful but worried a bit anyway. Who could blame them.

The midwife we had at week 12 was interesting. She came in to the ultrasound and said everything looked great! When I asked her to check the placenta placement she said she wasn't qualified to read that information on an ultrasound. (Umm, that's the whole point of this appointment!!) So I kindly asked the front desk when they led us out at the end if we could meet with someone who WAS qualified. We met with the Dr. and he said it would work itself out and it did. 

The next time I met with her I asked that I wasn't allowed to have eggnog because of the raw egg. She pulled out her phone and asked Siri....I about lost my mind. A professional would have know the answer to such a simple question concerning pregnancy, and she asked Siri in front of me.

Previously the OB had pulled out his medical version of google because I had weird the weird chest pain again a few weeks prior and I was ok with that, but I can ask Siri. Doesn't mean I trust it though. Common!

The midwife told me she'd delivered lots of babies, and all I or the intended parents could think was, you're not coming near this one...

It's been almost a month

 It was a crazy month since baby uber's final ride. And the ride after was probably just as wild. 

I came home and slept a lot. I also had a headache that I felt like a crown and I couldn't really move my neck much. My blood pressure though was the source of crazy times. There were times where my bp was 180/100 or something ridiculous. They always throw those numbers at you and most like me have no idea what they mean. Well...those numbers usually mean a seizure or a stroke. (Part of me wonders if I did have a very slight stroke at some point that wasn't physically obvious because in hind sight, I was reading to me kids early on in the healing process and I couldn't remember what I just read to them. And finishing sentences was a real challenge for the first weeks or two after recovery....poor Thomas haha. He already hears the same story 80 times. I just attributed it to left over pregger brain.Anyway..

 I was monitoring my blood pressure from home and Ana told me to go to the ER if the numbers got above 160/90. That happened the Tuesday, week following. I felt fine but went in. They iv'd me and gave me a shot of labetalol which is what Ana asked if they'd given me. But at one point my bp hit the really high numbers and......nothing...after an hour of them trying to get me transferred to L & D for an overnight observation stay, they kind of figured it out.

After staying the night, the dr finally came to see me and said he wanted me to stay another day or 2. On the inside I about lost my mind. Ana convinced him to send me home for monitoring cuz my bp would never calm down under the amount of frustration I had.

So I went home for observation and to calm down. Another observation Ana made was how skinny I looked. I hadn't thought about it but when they weighed me at my follow up appt with the dr (at which he said my bp was great! I think he changed his tune lol.) I was 136 lbs....for perspective, I went in to be induced at 170 lbs. 35 lbs lighter in a week, people!!! Needless to say, the surrogacy/diuretics plan has nothing on Jenny Craig. The nurse told me to stop taking those immediately or I'd disappear lol.

So I stopped Oxycodone and did acetometophine. I took a chunk of a caffeine pill and my headache went away. I was on a steroid for inflammation. I was on labetalol for at least 10 days. Needless to say I probably appeared to be a crack addict to the average Joe lol.

The weirdest part is my stomach, though it's healing well...it feels fake to the touch, and almost numb still.

My blood pressure has been good for at least 10+ days which is a relief. I don't tire nearly as easily and my stomach doesn't feel sore after lots of walking anymore. I still can't bounce or jump much without discomfort. 

I've been asked several times if it was worth it. Yes. No one gets through this life unscathed and I was able to help a family grow in a super cool, let's get real..miraculous way. I was a living organ donor. Most people have to die before they "see" the fruits of their labor. I see mine daily of FB, and she's adorable. And the potential she has will make it worth it over again. On the other hand, people tell me "What a gift you have given. You're amazing!" While I know it's true, I'm always left without words. 

Would I do it again? Yes. Will I? ...after the csec experience...probably not, but like my friend Xenna says, "It's been a great journey. If I die today, I haven't been cheated."

Baby Uber's final ride

 Thomas and I went to the hospital at 11 pm. That's when my L&D nurse Ana would be working, and if she wasn't, she'd hand-picked the nurses. It's funny. Any normal given night Thomas and I have to really work on getting to bed at a reasonable hour. But when you know you have to be somewhere at 11 pm, it's a lot harder to stay awake lol. Thomas at the registration desk pretending to sleep.

 

 

Parents arrived and we got situated in our rooms. 

Ana was not only the charge nurse, but also was one of two ladies that helped give me the hormone injections at the beginning and is basically a L&D hero/

You can't really see the shirt but it say "Baby uber" and has a prego lady followed by 2 baby footprints and then two different colored hearts for the parents. On the back it says #surrogate-all designed by Kirsten Gorski.

Once I got garbed up and hooked to to IVs and what not we sat around and talked for probably a good 2 hours. We finally sent them to their room to get some sleep since the next 16 years will probably be filled with very little of that lol.

My epidural was interesting this time around. I could still feel my legs and the contractions but they only felt like the braxton hicks ones. An interesting effect of this one was if I had to lay down my blood pressure tanked and I got super nauseous, tingly, and then almost instantly fell asleep. And weirdly, the anti-nausea stuff they gave me didn't do a thing. (turns out after all was said and done, there was a bunch of moms that night that responded in similar ways to the epidural. So maybe that batch was made differently. Fast forward to finding out she was breach...Dr. was supposed to come at 5 to break my water but didn't show up til 9. Little girl was such a mover that they couldn't keep track of her heart beat even though she was clearly moving. At one point it took a good 15 minutes to find her. When the dr. did come he decided to take an ultrasound. Low and behold....she was breach...

Dr gave me and Thomas a few options. He said we could lay me flat and try aversion to get her back in position. I was not too excited for that given how I'd reacted to laying down so far. Plus there was no guarantee is would work, though he felt fairly certain it would. The other option was to do C-section which we knew was a possibility anyway because she had a higher amount of amniotic fluid. Backing up to a few days before, I'd asked Thomas to give me a blessing and in it it mentioned that if anything went wrong, the drs would know what to do. So with that in mind, I looked the dr straight in the eye and asked him what his gut told him. He said C-section. The only reason I wasn't crazy about it apart from a longer recovery was knowing that my blood pressure would for sure tank on the OR table and I'd get sick and be stuck like that til it was done.

Alas, we told the parents that was the plan of action and we got Thomas and me all garbed up. They had to give me some weirdo medicine shot glass that tasted like spicy sweet tarts. BLEHHGHGH. They wheeled me into the OR and I immediately felt claustrophobic. They laid me all the way down and I was find for about 30 seconds...then it started to come. Tingly arms which they splayed out on either side, wave of nausea, seeing stars..all that jazz. They gave me more numbing medicine and went from my waist down to chest down, making it feel like I couldn't inhale or exhale. Plus they had a blue curtain above my chest and it contributed to the calustrophia. The nausea got to me at least three times and let me tell you...throwing up is bad enough when you're able to do it in a sink of something, but laying down the only place you have is to your side. I'll let you paint the rest of the picture in your head lol.  20-30 minutes we were like this.

I would hear occasional "Man that's a lot of fluid...." But I know I wasn't in any danger cuz they were talking about vacations they had planned and while they were stitching me up, they may have been just tying quilts based on their demeanor hahaha. I was kind of delirious for it but I heard," There's a leg...oh, here comes another leg...oh there's the head...oh and a hand....oh wait...she's hanging on for dear life and doesn't want to let you go....oh there we go...about 15 seconds later I heard the crying. This "star fish" as I refer to her in that moment (and later Dr agreed that's exactly what she was like hahaha) made me feel like Izma from emperor's new groove....No, I wasn't crying tears of joy...all I could think was, too much noise and I quote in Izma. ( Let me clarify, I got to see her about 5 hours later and she is so stinking cute, so no worries...I'm not a monster haha.)

 

 

 Backing up to when I first told our parents that I was going to do surrogacy, their biggest concern was how was I going to give this baby up. Let me tell you....in that moment...nothing has ever been easier, which worked out superbly for her parents who wanted her with every fiber of their being, and rightfully so. (I'm ecstatic for them and humbled I got to do this for them.)

(Full disclosure. That smile was a flat out lie. Thomas took this literally seconds after they finished the c-section. This would be a more accurate depiction of how I was.

 

 

When I was fully back in my right mind I shared my true feelings about certain staff that I'd met along the journey and let's just say the nurses and the dr all broke out in hysterics and agreed with me, and to quote Forest Gump, "And, that's all I have to say bout' that."

 

I got wheeled back to my room and started to feel more and more like me. Now I just had to let the epidural wear off for the next few hours. I was so excited because I've planned for months that I was going to have sushi right away. Well when you give birth, that's true.....when you have a C-section...you have to wait almost 24 hours before eating anything serious just to make sure your intestines and stuff work properly. So Jello, cran-apple juice, and saltines were the delicacy of preference. Although they managed to taste like filet mignon cuz I hadn't eaten since like 10 the night before. 

We got to see my kids and my in laws which was fabulous because they're who I thought of during the terrible awful c-section. It honestly probably would have been just fine if I hadn't reacted so weird to the epidural and my blood pressure didn't cause me so much trouble. 

 

Recovery was going great. We got sleep except for the incessant beeping of monitors and newborns that I could hear down the hall. It was so fun to see the parents with their little lady.  

 

The snafoos started the next morning when I decided to take my anti-anxiety from before the process. Apparently they didn't mix well with the meds they were giving me for recovery and I got a gnarly headache that I'm still treating and nausea that we eventually found a good behind the ear patch for. 

But the not being able to eat real food, plus taking awesome pain killers (which totally gave me a false sense of security on how well I was healing, cuz I didn't feel anything with them.) made for a very rough next 36 hours or so. Vicious cycle of take pain meds but you need to have something in your stomach, but food makes you nauseous, and the stuff they give you make me an absolute zombie. I literally woke up Tuesday to take meds, eat something quick for the meds, and then promptly fell asleep. No one but my nurses heard from me that whole day. 

We finally found the happy medium for meds and food. I was eventually able to get up by myself and make it to the restroom. When I finally checked out I was able to walk myself to the car while holding Thomas's arm. 

The whole experience from when I was accepted by the agency in May to the whirlwind of a 12 year anniversary for Thomas was in many ways like a mission. We saw many miracles. We had some truly scary moments. But overall it was one of the coolest things I've ever been able to do, or will do in my life. 

I couldn't have done it without Thomas. I thought back often about the guys I dated and wondered how cool they would have been with it all...and I think, no one would have been a better partner through this than him. 

I also couldn't have done it emotionally or physically with my dear L&D nurse, Ana. She was there through injections, funny dr office stories, and overall support. I also couldn't have done it without my friend Mary, as she also helped with injections.

I couldn't have done it without the help of my ward family. From meals to babysitting to just checking up on me. 

I'm also grateful for the open-mindedness of my immediate family. 

And most importantly, for the Lord. He helped in ways I know I don't even know about, as is His MO.