Post-surgery
I went to my post op appointment and he checked out my belly button, said it was healing nicely. He has me taking estrogen every other day for a few more weeks. At 8 weeks after the surgery if I haven't a cycle on my own he wants me to kick start it with birth control pills. Fortunately I over ordered when I was on them 2 years ago and we have that taken care of. He also said that once I've had two cycles we are free to start trying again and then when we do get prego he wants to monitor me like a hawk. He was really excited though because he said the operation went flawlessly and I was the first patient of Madison Memorial Hospital to ever use this equipment and the Rep from the supplier was there and he said it was a much smoother process. In other words he was really jazzed about new stuff and I was the first to benefit. Cool :) Yay for new technology. Now just figure out why miscarriages happen and we're in business.
Compassion
On the note of miscarriages I have learned that having them sucks. They are an emotional loss and they seem to slow the whole reproductive process down after you have one. Plus the bleeding lasts for weeks and it feels like insult to injury.
The positives have outweighed the negatives though. I have become more empathetic toward those in my position and the best part is it has even smoothed out some relationships that were going south for lack of compassion for me or people in general. I have said it before and I'll say it again. I don't wish miscarriages on anyone, but they bring out the charity in us like nothing else I've seen. I had a friend and a family member I was angry at for years because I never felt like they gave a dang about others. I was finally able to forgive them enough to speak with them again after years and it turned out to be a healing process for me and a comfort when needed for them. I won't say who it is, so please don't ask, and if you think it's you, I still won't tell you. Needless to say it's been a healing balm to see the humanity that can exist in all of us. To these individuals, I say I feel for what's happened to us, but thank you.
Regional Stake Conference
We had an awesome stake conference with Elder Nielson of the Seventy, Sister Marriott, and Elder L. Tom Perry.
Elder Nielson spoke on becoming, and simply changing. I loved how he said if you see the changes that need to happen, make them. If you don't see anything that needs to be changed, then the truth is not in you. Thomas and I see lots of things we need to change so we feel pretty good about that :) He reminded us that Christ is the master surgeon and will heal the things we can't if we go to Him.
Sister Marriott spoke on not being contentious. I really loved how she pointed out we know of things throughout the day that are anger hot spots for us, and that if we pray ahead of those times then we will receive the fortification to not be angry when those times arise.
Elder Perry spoke about taking care of our "temples" of bodies in every capacity, being trustworthy and honorable, studying the scriptures, and using "toys" of today appropriately such as technology.
The thing that really stuck out to me about his talk was the couple sitting next to me. This brother had tennis shoes on(why do we call them that? I don't play tennis, nor do most people haha, or sneakers..not very quiet for sneaking up on people) and he had ear rings. Keep in mind this was in the I-Center at BYUI where there is an honor code people are expected to follow. I thought at first, it's good he's here because this is probably a big step for him in and of itself.
With that mental picture in mind the girl he was sitting was, I'm assuming girlfriend, was looking with him at pictures on her phone of cats, those silly sketched stick figure comics, and a bunch of other pointless images...while an apostle of the Lord was speaking! I was slightly bothered by it because clearly this person didn't understand the magnitude of this opportunity, so I leaned over and gently said, "y'all are missin an apostle!" with a smile. He replied with that annoyed but kind look of yea yea I've heard him before and said," I'm listening." I felt bad for him. He hadn't prepared to be taught. He was there out of habit, not out of desire. Again I thought, well I don't know this guy's background and this might be a monumental experience just being dressed in a suit and physically present. We'll take that and give him the benefit of the doubt. But I learned something from him.
I thought of how many times the spirit tries to tell me of something that I'm going to miss because I'm too preoccupied with facebook or pinterest or other nonsense. How many times is the Spirit saying to himself, "she's not prepared to learn." How many times does he tell me "you're missing this!" and I brush it off with a "I'm listening" while looking the other way? Needless to say...
Wisdom from trials
To preface, Thomas and I are coming up on our 3rd anniversary. On that note we have a relatively new, but dear friend who is on the verge of a serious relationship. I love to tell our story of Thomas and I starting out because it's pretty funny how it all happened out of thin air without expectation. The more I share my story with this friend the more I realize our situations are almost identical. This friend has had a poor example of what love is and is terrified of commitment and accepting love because it's too good something bad is bound to happen. I shared the fact that I thought of pulling out of my engagement 3 times because of cold feet, but because my husband is loving and patient he never gave up on me. Even after we were married for a few months, my expectations of love were still freaking me out.
I'm happy to report, and I shared this with my friend, that I no longer live in fear. Thomas and I have balanced each other out. I hardly have panic attacks anymore and it's never related to us either way. He's become more bubbly and there you have it.
We experience different types of love at different times. We have that romantic love when we create it, but the friendship is there all the time. When Thomas was going through a particular trial I wanted to help him through it, not leave him. I've given him plenty of experiences that would give most guys the desire to run, but he hasn't. He makes it seem like he couldn't have scored a better companion and lets me know daily.
We've had 4 jobs, 3 miscarriages, live in 3 places, and have owned 3 cars between the two of us. But we have a secret language, know each others' quirks, and I still give me stories to laugh at hen I talk/teach in my sleep. He gently touches me when I'm writhing during a bad dream and then my body calms down. I enjoy bringing him Junior Mints and he's learning to accept gifts. He's learning how to voice his thoughts, especially when they involve planning.
We haven't figured out what he wants to do/ will do for a career, and I frankly don't care one way or the other. As long as we are doing what we enjoy and follow the spirit that's all I ask for.
As Elder Nielson said in SC today, I can expect one thing. Change.
To quote the hymn,
"I believe in Christ,
so come what may."
Thomas
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