Anyone else feel like we've been raised to have goals until you've had kids and then it's free range? Like get baptized, serve a mission, get married, have kids.......................then what? Raise those kids righteously. Ok......any parameters you wanna throw out there? I met with a hometown friend today that mentioned that kids are all so different and conference seems more concerned with cheering us on. But guys, let me tell you. I don't do blank canvas well....never have. Too many possibilities. Too much freedom. I paint. We all know this, and when I have a picture to go off of I nail it.
I had a similar experience when I was trying to decide between mission and marriage. I told the Lord I would go whichever way He told me to............nothing. Turns out He's DANG serious about our choices and us making them. I want to say I felt Him tell me to serve, but really I kind of just put words in His mouth and went. That was obviously a correct choice but He didn't tell me it was the RIGHT one until a MONTH before I came home.
I struggle hard core being a mom. It's blank canvas after blank canvas and I know the Lord likes to stretch us but today was one of those days( thank heavens minus the bit we spent with my high school buddy) that I just felt trapped. I feel like I'm living Groundhog day and after a while I just start picking up hobbies because I have the time.
Last night in our self reliance personal finance class they had the activity "make a 5 year plan". I was frustrated because this has already been on my mind for months and I still feel purposeless, directionless, and many days feel meaningless. I feel like a high school kid who's only purpose is to find people to hang out with and go to the mall. I have so much free time on my hands that I don't know what to do with and I hate it. I am an extrovert that feels like I'm on an island. Don't know how to relate? Try thinking of sticking an extrovert in the middle of a party or a concert.
I know the kids are going to get older but I need serious help with the now. It was pointed out to me recently that we don't live in the now. I have been thinking about how good life was in high school because I always have stuff going on and my buddies and I were the best of friends and there was a good group of us. I think back to college time and free time started to creep in.
As I've pondered, I've never done well with free time. It's always scared me.
The good news is I recognize my anxiety and calmly say it's not a big deal and it will pass. But I honestly can't wait for this time of life to be done. But the hardest part about it is I feel like I'm already retired and I don't know what I'll do when I do retire.
Alls I want is more structure. I know it's a personal matter and it's different for everyone but this week I felt pretty isolated...I feel isolated a lot. To those who've been there for me, you're rockstars.
Moms-how do you deal with this?
Friday, November 8, 2019
Thursday, August 15, 2019
momma sevys chocolate chip cookies
If you've had them, you'll never forget them.
1/2 c butter(If you use Margarine you need to melt it, freeze it, and then drain the excess water out)
1/2 c shortening
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 pck instant vanilla mix(dry!)
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 3/4 c flour
1 c milk chocolate chips
Preheat 375.
Cream the wet stuff and the vanilla pudding. Add in the rest. Try not to eat all the dough.
Bake on an UPSIDE DOWN cookie sheet(helps get more air flow for an even bake 8 minutes.
I may have married into the family because of this recipe :)
1/2 c butter(If you use Margarine you need to melt it, freeze it, and then drain the excess water out)
1/2 c shortening
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 pck instant vanilla mix(dry!)
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 3/4 c flour
1 c milk chocolate chips
Preheat 375.
Cream the wet stuff and the vanilla pudding. Add in the rest. Try not to eat all the dough.
Bake on an UPSIDE DOWN cookie sheet(helps get more air flow for an even bake 8 minutes.
I may have married into the family because of this recipe :)
Monday, August 12, 2019
minis how to
1. Design 24 6x6 squares in a 4x4 block. Make sure fabric is laying nap down from top to bottom.
2. Baste stitch the top row with highest stitch length your machine allows.
3. Pin each piece to the top of the other. Once a row is complete, sew it so squares are connected but not sewn on top of each other.
4. Pin each corner thread in thread so corners are perfect. Finish front by making sure there are no puckers, corners match perfectly.
5. Design the back. Sew to a whole block. Match front to back. Pin in middles and seams leaving a square open to flip. Sew, then turn inside out.
6. Half in top stitch. Pull seams so they're as exposed as possible.
A Perfect blanket has no puckers, perfect width in the top stitch, and corners match with a flat-laying blanket.
2. Baste stitch the top row with highest stitch length your machine allows.
3. Pin each piece to the top of the other. Once a row is complete, sew it so squares are connected but not sewn on top of each other.
4. Pin each corner thread in thread so corners are perfect. Finish front by making sure there are no puckers, corners match perfectly.
5. Design the back. Sew to a whole block. Match front to back. Pin in middles and seams leaving a square open to flip. Sew, then turn inside out.
6. Half in top stitch. Pull seams so they're as exposed as possible.
A Perfect blanket has no puckers, perfect width in the top stitch, and corners match with a flat-laying blanket.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
What women want...then there's what women need
During my post-partem agitation I learned something I believe to be crucial. The Relief Society motto in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints starts off by saying "We are daughters of God and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction." ...Or something like that. What I learned is we have to FEEL like our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction as well as actually have them, because if we don't FEEL it, we're doomed on the inside....or so I've observed.
I asked people for a year to two straight about how do you find meaning in motherhood and being a homemaker. I knew the answer would have to be personal through revelation as what is important to me is not to someone else.
I was a mom of one firecracker and filling my days was terrifying. I was lead to ask my sister-in-law Jocelyn about the minky blankets she sews and found that to be a PASSION. At first it was down right difficult and seemingly impossible. But the Lord likes to work with impossible and 7 mini minky blankets later, I was chizzled enough to do them and make money. Now I make them without blinking an eye and I'm always interested in helping those who want to learn and join in do so.
I remember watching Greatest showman thinking "I don't have a million dream keeping me awake". I felt like a purposely drifter. I watched Julie and Julia thinking this was the exact process I went through. Now I'm a minky mama making, Lime scooter juicin', Roadie gig drivin' woman with two awesome kids and a knock out hubby that have always been that way...I just couldn't see past my purposeless blinders.
If you feel depressed...pray to find that hobby that gives you purpose. It will truly save your life. I know the Lord lives and guides me daily because I couldn't do it all without his nudges in the right directions.
Oh and be careful. Small things lead to big things. For good or not good.
I asked people for a year to two straight about how do you find meaning in motherhood and being a homemaker. I knew the answer would have to be personal through revelation as what is important to me is not to someone else.
I was a mom of one firecracker and filling my days was terrifying. I was lead to ask my sister-in-law Jocelyn about the minky blankets she sews and found that to be a PASSION. At first it was down right difficult and seemingly impossible. But the Lord likes to work with impossible and 7 mini minky blankets later, I was chizzled enough to do them and make money. Now I make them without blinking an eye and I'm always interested in helping those who want to learn and join in do so.
I remember watching Greatest showman thinking "I don't have a million dream keeping me awake". I felt like a purposely drifter. I watched Julie and Julia thinking this was the exact process I went through. Now I'm a minky mama making, Lime scooter juicin', Roadie gig drivin' woman with two awesome kids and a knock out hubby that have always been that way...I just couldn't see past my purposeless blinders.
If you feel depressed...pray to find that hobby that gives you purpose. It will truly save your life. I know the Lord lives and guides me daily because I couldn't do it all without his nudges in the right directions.
Oh and be careful. Small things lead to big things. For good or not good.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
minky mamas blow by blow
They come to you rolled up.
You run them through the dryer to get rid of most of the fuzz, NO HEAT, as heat destroys the fabric. 10 minutes does enough.
You pin the columns so all the corners match perfectly
You sew with a walking foot on a stitch length of 3 with needle positioned in the middle with fabric at edge of foot.
(Not included)
You pin the front to the back right sides together, nap going down.
Sew all around with same settings leaving one square open to pull right side out.
Close the opening with a stitch length of 4, needle to the farthest right, fabric at edge of foot.
Sew top stitch with stitch length of 4, needle to the farthest left, fabric at edge of foot.
Final product gets a minky mama label.
(below is a mini)
Throws-half sewn $15, full sewn $25
Mamas-$25 half sewn, Full sewn $35
I go down to American fork once a week to pick up and drop off. Get it to me and I'll take yours with. Fabric is provided.
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Minky Mamas blankets
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCa8NStish-8TXxJAhWgwAaQ?view_as=subscriber
That is the link to me making the minis and the "mommas" or full size.
You will need a good machine with a walking foot, white 100% polyester thread, seam ripper, rotary cutter and mat, and pins. You CAN'T pin on wood floor because they're too slippery.
They provide the fabric and the labels. There are GOBS to choose from. You have to design the minis but the throws and mommas come predesigned.
Disclaimers:
I tried sewing with a husqvarna and it was a little rough. For some reason the minkys take the best to berninas.
These are MESSSSSSY. You need to have an air fluff setting to help get rid of the extra fuzz and a good working vacuum. HEAT DESTROYS THE FABRIC. Once you run them through the dryer for a few minutes on air fluff it sucks up most of the fuzz. Invest in a lint roller.
They each take about 2-3 hours depending on how fast you pin, trim, and sew and in some cases design. You start out on the minis, and they by far take the longest, but I stuck with it and now I only do the mommas and the throws because they come half sewn.
You need to be able to commute to american fork once a week or get to me in west valley once a week. You get paid weekly.
$20 for minis
$15 for half sewn throws
$25 for half sewn mommas
$45 for designing and sewing mommas.
Any questions? Leave a comment or pm me on fb. Happy sewing!
That is the link to me making the minis and the "mommas" or full size.
You will need a good machine with a walking foot, white 100% polyester thread, seam ripper, rotary cutter and mat, and pins. You CAN'T pin on wood floor because they're too slippery.
They provide the fabric and the labels. There are GOBS to choose from. You have to design the minis but the throws and mommas come predesigned.
Disclaimers:
I tried sewing with a husqvarna and it was a little rough. For some reason the minkys take the best to berninas.
These are MESSSSSSY. You need to have an air fluff setting to help get rid of the extra fuzz and a good working vacuum. HEAT DESTROYS THE FABRIC. Once you run them through the dryer for a few minutes on air fluff it sucks up most of the fuzz. Invest in a lint roller.
They each take about 2-3 hours depending on how fast you pin, trim, and sew and in some cases design. You start out on the minis, and they by far take the longest, but I stuck with it and now I only do the mommas and the throws because they come half sewn.
You need to be able to commute to american fork once a week or get to me in west valley once a week. You get paid weekly.
$20 for minis
$15 for half sewn throws
$25 for half sewn mommas
$45 for designing and sewing mommas.
Any questions? Leave a comment or pm me on fb. Happy sewing!
Monday, April 1, 2019
Enter with an open mind
Disclaimer- This may be an unpopular opinion but I have tried to word what I've been thinking and feeling in a way that won't come off as offensive. If you read what I share and disagree, but remember as a friend of mine shared with me recently...Freedom of speech means everyone is allowed to share their opinion without being lashed against....or something like that.. That being said. Enjoy :
Dear world,
I am grateful to live in a progressive time where anyone can vote and go to college and all the other opportunities in the pursuit of happiness. As no one is a stranger to the big push for equal rights for women aka feminism...I'd like to petition the world to see to the encouragement of an almost archaic but crucial missing element of feminism...namely...being feminine. The woman who wants to be graceful and make a house a home and raise a family...all be it the most difficult part of the whole pie....have the class of Audrey Hepburn, the skills of June cleaver, and the influence of Eleanor Roosevelt.
It seems we get the pressure of knowing how to be June cleaver and bashed for wanting to be June cleaver or told we're oppressed if we are June cleaver. What's not heart warming about being able to make a home a comfortable place to be or being able to prepare a yummy dinner.
I'm fine with teaching girls to go after their dreams of education and career and being what they want to be...but what if they want to be a home maker and mother. Why can't we be well rounded in both teaching both options?
If you Google homemaking you find very little. If you pinterest home making you'll find even less. If you pinterest homemaking skills to teach kids...haha that's a good one. But in reality home making skills are what everyone is trying to hack.
Cleaning hacks
Food hacks
Grocery shopping and couponing
Upcycling clothing and thrift stuff
Storage hacks...it goes on and on without actually owning up to what it is.
I taught high school for two years and every kid wants to know how you're going to use what you learn in the real world. Home making skills are the most crucial but the most made fun of... I taught a 19 year old young man once on my mission that didn't know how to boil water. It scared him. He couldn't cook at all. That's a basic skill. Something is terribly wrong with that. On the other hand I have a good friend whose teenage son can make bread and cross stitch. Both for hobby and helpful as he comes from a family of 7 boys.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, directions, healthy meals and bargains, sewing, gardening, teaching potty training and reading and manners, decorating, discipline, morals and religion, and as I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints - maintaining a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and, this goes for anyone, knowing how to weather through the storms of life without throwing a tantrum as an adult. Emotional independence for your kids.
I wish instead of hitting so hard on test scores schools hit harder on how to live independently and contribute to society. They used to teach that in schools...now look at what's happened... When I was in activity days we learned things like phone etiquette, how to make bread sticks, sew simple things. In Young Womens I learned about faith, my divine nature, my individual worth, how to learn, how to be accountable for my choices, serve, and be honest with myself and others. At girls camp I learned silly songs that I now sing with my daughter. I learned hair tricks which I do on my daughter. I learned creative skits with simple moves that I teach to my daughter. It was silly back then...but I still use those today as a mom.
My grandma Clarke taught us how to make bread, porcelain dolls, sew, craft and clean. She also commented once on how unruly my hair looked and from that time forward I always made sure my hair was combed and neat when I'd see her and I'd point it out and she'd agree with me. She was also a heart warming hostess and to this day everyone loves going to her house even though she's gone now.
My mother in law is an incredible hostess often eating last and making sure everyone is taken care of first. She dresses like Jackie Kennedy but is kind and spunky like Marjorie pay hinckley. Her decorating is always festive without being gaudy and often using the dollar store.
My sister learned how to really sew from our grandpa Clarke and grandma Margaret. Has learned how to cook healthy meals and spend little. She also knows how to raise kids without blowing get top and doing fun things but teaching them to be independent and creative.
My mom is a music fanatic and huge on getting an education. She taught responsibility through chores and not giving up. She also taught going out of your way to serve..often to the most prickly of characters.
Long story short, I want girls to be able to choose going corporate or going homemaker and know how to do both. And the world being supportive of either decision. I whole-heartedly agree with the idea that with out the home making career, all other careers wouldn't exist because the mom shapes her kids.
I was super confident when getting a job. I can ace any interview. I wish more emphasis would have been placed on how to ace the home. Thank heaven for the programs and teachings of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. It is my back bone. I don't downplay the importance and amazingness of women having more secular opportunities. However, I want the home classes celebrated as well.
Dear world,
I am grateful to live in a progressive time where anyone can vote and go to college and all the other opportunities in the pursuit of happiness. As no one is a stranger to the big push for equal rights for women aka feminism...I'd like to petition the world to see to the encouragement of an almost archaic but crucial missing element of feminism...namely...being feminine. The woman who wants to be graceful and make a house a home and raise a family...all be it the most difficult part of the whole pie....have the class of Audrey Hepburn, the skills of June cleaver, and the influence of Eleanor Roosevelt.
It seems we get the pressure of knowing how to be June cleaver and bashed for wanting to be June cleaver or told we're oppressed if we are June cleaver. What's not heart warming about being able to make a home a comfortable place to be or being able to prepare a yummy dinner.
I'm fine with teaching girls to go after their dreams of education and career and being what they want to be...but what if they want to be a home maker and mother. Why can't we be well rounded in both teaching both options?
If you Google homemaking you find very little. If you pinterest home making you'll find even less. If you pinterest homemaking skills to teach kids...haha that's a good one. But in reality home making skills are what everyone is trying to hack.
Cleaning hacks
Food hacks
Grocery shopping and couponing
Upcycling clothing and thrift stuff
Storage hacks...it goes on and on without actually owning up to what it is.
I taught high school for two years and every kid wants to know how you're going to use what you learn in the real world. Home making skills are the most crucial but the most made fun of... I taught a 19 year old young man once on my mission that didn't know how to boil water. It scared him. He couldn't cook at all. That's a basic skill. Something is terribly wrong with that. On the other hand I have a good friend whose teenage son can make bread and cross stitch. Both for hobby and helpful as he comes from a family of 7 boys.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, directions, healthy meals and bargains, sewing, gardening, teaching potty training and reading and manners, decorating, discipline, morals and religion, and as I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints - maintaining a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and, this goes for anyone, knowing how to weather through the storms of life without throwing a tantrum as an adult. Emotional independence for your kids.
I wish instead of hitting so hard on test scores schools hit harder on how to live independently and contribute to society. They used to teach that in schools...now look at what's happened... When I was in activity days we learned things like phone etiquette, how to make bread sticks, sew simple things. In Young Womens I learned about faith, my divine nature, my individual worth, how to learn, how to be accountable for my choices, serve, and be honest with myself and others. At girls camp I learned silly songs that I now sing with my daughter. I learned hair tricks which I do on my daughter. I learned creative skits with simple moves that I teach to my daughter. It was silly back then...but I still use those today as a mom.
My grandma Clarke taught us how to make bread, porcelain dolls, sew, craft and clean. She also commented once on how unruly my hair looked and from that time forward I always made sure my hair was combed and neat when I'd see her and I'd point it out and she'd agree with me. She was also a heart warming hostess and to this day everyone loves going to her house even though she's gone now.
My mother in law is an incredible hostess often eating last and making sure everyone is taken care of first. She dresses like Jackie Kennedy but is kind and spunky like Marjorie pay hinckley. Her decorating is always festive without being gaudy and often using the dollar store.
My sister learned how to really sew from our grandpa Clarke and grandma Margaret. Has learned how to cook healthy meals and spend little. She also knows how to raise kids without blowing get top and doing fun things but teaching them to be independent and creative.
My mom is a music fanatic and huge on getting an education. She taught responsibility through chores and not giving up. She also taught going out of your way to serve..often to the most prickly of characters.
Long story short, I want girls to be able to choose going corporate or going homemaker and know how to do both. And the world being supportive of either decision. I whole-heartedly agree with the idea that with out the home making career, all other careers wouldn't exist because the mom shapes her kids.
I was super confident when getting a job. I can ace any interview. I wish more emphasis would have been placed on how to ace the home. Thank heaven for the programs and teachings of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. It is my back bone. I don't downplay the importance and amazingness of women having more secular opportunities. However, I want the home classes celebrated as well.
Friday, February 1, 2019
Conquering potty training makes me think the rest should be a peace of cake.
We had some wins this week. But they were preluded by some big toe stubs. I chose to fast on Monday for Thomas to get the position he's been gunning for, as well as my sewing capabilities to be on par with this minky blankets endeavor that I fell in love with. That decision was both a blessing to think of those things and see partial fruition of what we have control over, but also because it was the first time in more than a year I was able to fast since I was pregnant and nursing...thank HEAVEN I'm no longer doing that. But we all know that story. I've seen Thomas be calm about the outcome either way. At this point he's still in the running. Fingers crossed.
I've been really lazy with potty training because of the constant effort it would take. Tuesday we didn't have much planned so I decided to dedicate it to such. Let's just say I plan to write a letter to her to read a year from now for this day with apologies because I was not a pretty human. But Wednesday I said we were going to aim to go in the potty and I promised to be patient. We spent nearly an hour and a half on the little potty, promising fruit snacks if she did something. Pumped her full of juice and water, stuck her hand in warm water, and read potty books. When she did go in her little potty we partied like it was 1985....and she got her fruit snacks. I was ecstatic. She was ecstatic. Then she began to have an accident but we quickly put her on her training potty and she went and went and went and was sooooooo proud of herself. Probably one of the best mommy memories so far. Then to top it off she went in the big girl potty. When she her the splash she was bezerk in the best way. Now she earns licorice pieces because that's a lot of fruit snacks. Now she prefers underwear, even held it (didn't know she even understood that concept) until we got home, and has started going quicker and quicker.
Wednesday night was on the other hand crazy challenging with lil man. His teething makes him cough himself awake...then he's hungry. Though we're trying to break that habit I was being stubborn, which lead to a melt down because 2 am is not the best time to try new things. So last night we just gave him the bottle when he woke up and we were back in bed with in 10 minutes. So why did God let Wednesday night be so terrible and exhausting? I believe it was to learn a lesson....I need my sleep and I have to do what it takes to get it. He'll eventually sleep through the night and probably be like every other teenager where I have to harass them to get out of bed.
Also, got two blankets done....I think. Working on another with confidence and knowing how to work my machine better. Happiness is learning and conquering.
I've been really lazy with potty training because of the constant effort it would take. Tuesday we didn't have much planned so I decided to dedicate it to such. Let's just say I plan to write a letter to her to read a year from now for this day with apologies because I was not a pretty human. But Wednesday I said we were going to aim to go in the potty and I promised to be patient. We spent nearly an hour and a half on the little potty, promising fruit snacks if she did something. Pumped her full of juice and water, stuck her hand in warm water, and read potty books. When she did go in her little potty we partied like it was 1985....and she got her fruit snacks. I was ecstatic. She was ecstatic. Then she began to have an accident but we quickly put her on her training potty and she went and went and went and was sooooooo proud of herself. Probably one of the best mommy memories so far. Then to top it off she went in the big girl potty. When she her the splash she was bezerk in the best way. Now she earns licorice pieces because that's a lot of fruit snacks. Now she prefers underwear, even held it (didn't know she even understood that concept) until we got home, and has started going quicker and quicker.
Wednesday night was on the other hand crazy challenging with lil man. His teething makes him cough himself awake...then he's hungry. Though we're trying to break that habit I was being stubborn, which lead to a melt down because 2 am is not the best time to try new things. So last night we just gave him the bottle when he woke up and we were back in bed with in 10 minutes. So why did God let Wednesday night be so terrible and exhausting? I believe it was to learn a lesson....I need my sleep and I have to do what it takes to get it. He'll eventually sleep through the night and probably be like every other teenager where I have to harass them to get out of bed.
Also, got two blankets done....I think. Working on another with confidence and knowing how to work my machine better. Happiness is learning and conquering.
Friday, January 25, 2019
Motherhood is like diggin' ditches
I had a family member tell me they don't think I'm happy where I am in life. With my house, kids, whatever. Truth be told they're kind of right. But not in the way you think.
This is my humble view point. Not doctrine. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I live by the Plan of Happiness. The gist is it's a plan our Father in Heaven created for us to be happy. What I think we overlook is part of that plan is this life is lone and dreary much of the time. It's regularly full of challenges. But it also has a lot of happy moments. In high school, I didn't have the same responsibilities I do now. I could hang with my friends after chores were done and did all the time. We had a riot. Now I have a house with kids toys all over the place, with a line of books strewn perfectly and methodically placed under all the clothes lil miss and mr snuggles wear all the time. I'm eating the left-over turkey and blueberries and added my own cheese and crackers to my daughters lunch. I have books under my feet, balloons strewn about with plastic balls accompanying them. After I write this, I'm going to be smart of nap the same time as my kids.
I look around right now and I'm happy. I smile. But 20 minutes ago I was chasing my near 3 year old around corraling her to her bedroom for her nap, then swaddling a tired 5 month old and having to tell my brother, not to be rude, but I gotta cut you off and get kids down.
We live in Utah. Not our favorite choice. But we know this is where the Lord put us. We've had a lot of growing opps and I'm sure more to come. The people we have here have been angels. Lil miss knows the Wasatch area better than most adults with a smart phone. She also can't connect to go potty before you wet your pants, not after. But that's just the stage I'm in. It's glorious but not glamorous. For me, often it's grueling. But I've taken up sewing and feel really excited about it. I use every cupboard and drawer and dish and mostly all our clothes all the time. Marie Kondo....I've been living your lifestyle before it was popular lol.
But honestly, motherhood is like digging ditches for fence posts in the middle of rural Texas. Often it's hard back breaking, soul questioning "I want to go home and rethink my life" from Star Wars kind of work. You get dirty. REally dirty. But you look up and you see some wild life...pun intended...is that a pun?? You see some cool landscape. You feel a breeze of air. And when the job is done, eventually.........................which it probably never is because posts get old and break or ...you get the point. You have a fence. It keeps the things you love protected. It gave you boundaries, and duty for all that time.
MY pay off for motherhood is not all the time right now. I get more sleep than my husband some times. Sometimes I get no sleep and I become Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde. But when Lil Miss knows all the words to Book of Mormon stories, Lion King, and runs to someone who is crying to comfort them...it pays off. Later in life when I can pillow talk about boys and help her see she doesn't need a phone to be happy...in fact, people and interacting with family are already her preferred activities anyway...that will be a pay off. When she goes to the temple to do baptisms for the first time singing I love to see the temple, I went inside today.....that will be a pay off. She takes everyone's dishes to the sink after every meal, says please and thank you and you're welcome, and stacks her crackers perfectly before she eats them. Those are pay offs. Am I on low-dose anti-anxiety meds? yes. But I also use a middle grade inhaler because we can eat the air here...just a different treatment for a different problem.
Bottom line- This life was not intended to be happy all the time. I agree with my friend Cassie, that no one is in love with their kids, job, spouse, or situation all the time. I believe that would be counter-productive...watch pursuit of happiness..I hated that movie because it was depressing. Especially on Christmas day. But later I found the wisdom in it. Crap happens in life. You cry. You break down....but you learn what makes you break and how to be better. I believe the Savior's grace is not always in the form of relief. Some times it's understanding.
Motherhood is something I was always afraid I wouldn't be good at. I am good at it. I don't always like it. My kind of vacation is being a tourist, eating out at awesome cool yummy places, and getting kicked out of places for being ridiculous...those things make memories. Right now, vacation is going places and seeing people I desperately miss. And that's ok. I'm happy.
This is my humble view point. Not doctrine. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I live by the Plan of Happiness. The gist is it's a plan our Father in Heaven created for us to be happy. What I think we overlook is part of that plan is this life is lone and dreary much of the time. It's regularly full of challenges. But it also has a lot of happy moments. In high school, I didn't have the same responsibilities I do now. I could hang with my friends after chores were done and did all the time. We had a riot. Now I have a house with kids toys all over the place, with a line of books strewn perfectly and methodically placed under all the clothes lil miss and mr snuggles wear all the time. I'm eating the left-over turkey and blueberries and added my own cheese and crackers to my daughters lunch. I have books under my feet, balloons strewn about with plastic balls accompanying them. After I write this, I'm going to be smart of nap the same time as my kids.
I look around right now and I'm happy. I smile. But 20 minutes ago I was chasing my near 3 year old around corraling her to her bedroom for her nap, then swaddling a tired 5 month old and having to tell my brother, not to be rude, but I gotta cut you off and get kids down.
We live in Utah. Not our favorite choice. But we know this is where the Lord put us. We've had a lot of growing opps and I'm sure more to come. The people we have here have been angels. Lil miss knows the Wasatch area better than most adults with a smart phone. She also can't connect to go potty before you wet your pants, not after. But that's just the stage I'm in. It's glorious but not glamorous. For me, often it's grueling. But I've taken up sewing and feel really excited about it. I use every cupboard and drawer and dish and mostly all our clothes all the time. Marie Kondo....I've been living your lifestyle before it was popular lol.
But honestly, motherhood is like digging ditches for fence posts in the middle of rural Texas. Often it's hard back breaking, soul questioning "I want to go home and rethink my life" from Star Wars kind of work. You get dirty. REally dirty. But you look up and you see some wild life...pun intended...is that a pun?? You see some cool landscape. You feel a breeze of air. And when the job is done, eventually.........................which it probably never is because posts get old and break or ...you get the point. You have a fence. It keeps the things you love protected. It gave you boundaries, and duty for all that time.
MY pay off for motherhood is not all the time right now. I get more sleep than my husband some times. Sometimes I get no sleep and I become Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde. But when Lil Miss knows all the words to Book of Mormon stories, Lion King, and runs to someone who is crying to comfort them...it pays off. Later in life when I can pillow talk about boys and help her see she doesn't need a phone to be happy...in fact, people and interacting with family are already her preferred activities anyway...that will be a pay off. When she goes to the temple to do baptisms for the first time singing I love to see the temple, I went inside today.....that will be a pay off. She takes everyone's dishes to the sink after every meal, says please and thank you and you're welcome, and stacks her crackers perfectly before she eats them. Those are pay offs. Am I on low-dose anti-anxiety meds? yes. But I also use a middle grade inhaler because we can eat the air here...just a different treatment for a different problem.
Bottom line- This life was not intended to be happy all the time. I agree with my friend Cassie, that no one is in love with their kids, job, spouse, or situation all the time. I believe that would be counter-productive...watch pursuit of happiness..I hated that movie because it was depressing. Especially on Christmas day. But later I found the wisdom in it. Crap happens in life. You cry. You break down....but you learn what makes you break and how to be better. I believe the Savior's grace is not always in the form of relief. Some times it's understanding.
Motherhood is something I was always afraid I wouldn't be good at. I am good at it. I don't always like it. My kind of vacation is being a tourist, eating out at awesome cool yummy places, and getting kicked out of places for being ridiculous...those things make memories. Right now, vacation is going places and seeing people I desperately miss. And that's ok. I'm happy.
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