I don't remember the first time I went to the temple to do proxy baptisms for the dead. But I do remember showing all the newbies the cool things about the journey in the temple.
But I'll never forget when I handed my new non-limited use recommend to the guy at the front desk and walked to the other side of the circular desk. It was a whole new world. I am terrible with new situations and I was so nervous I forgot to fully dress in some ways. Nothing visible, but it was remedied either way. I was lead to the chapel where many of my best friends, family, and even some close church leaders that I had invited were waiting for me. I remember going into the my first endowment session. I remember doing a special part with my dad and then later at the veil...getting to walk through...I did it! The Celestial room was so big and sparkly! And it was at night! ( I went another time earlier in the morning to see the rumored rainbow stars reflected on the floor) I was now endowed! I got to wear the holy garment. That was 14 years ago.
I'll be honest. Today my temple attendance looks a little different. Sometimes that's an accurate description. Attendance. Like a concert. But one you go to over and over again. And it has started to loose it's punch. But not through fault of It.
For the last who knows how long..it's become a sort of rut. Not for wanting something different, but just because it's become almost routine.
I walk through the doors without thinking twice. Though I do notice the beauty..I almost always see someone on their phone beyond the recommend desk. (To be fair, I have no idea what they're looking at on their phone...but still! Just bugs me...takes away from the temple for me.) I walk back to the dressing room, get a locker, get dressed, and then head to one of the ordinances. I like doing the initiatory, sadly to admit, because they can be quick. Don't get me wrong..that can be a blessing...but still. I like to do sealings for in some ways the same reasons. It seems like in both instances sometimes eyes glaze over and mind starts to wonder. I have a hard time now with endowment sessions because I've felt trapped over the years even though I know if I had a real emergency I could leave at any time, no questions asked...just mortal thoughts. Then I hear the same words and I try to pay attention but my mind will wonder. It really used to bug me that I wasn't that person that got to the Celestial room and would sit on one of the couches, and prayerfully sob forever. By the time I was done with the session, I'd been there for an hour plus and had thought of all I needed to.
The temple in some ways became rote. My troubles didn't 'melt' away. In fact, sometimes, they're all I could think about. I didn't feel overwhelming peace. I didn't feel often like I'd learned anything at all because it's always the same.
I knew that had to change.
I have close contacts that go to the temple regularly and I always ask them in anticipation, "how was the temple." "Oh, it was fine." Fine? FINE???? The temple is the Lord's house on earth. The most sacred of places....it's not a grocery store. How is the meal afterward more emphasized than the temple????
I decided to read a bit from S. Michael Wilcox's book, House of Glory. Though it's not exactly a "this means this" book, it points out a few things that can elevate the temple from just a place we go to out of habit, to a House of Learning of the Highest form.
One thought I really liked was if we just go to sit through a session, we're missing the whole idea.
I remember when a close contact of mine went for the first time. I remember the conversations that were had in the Celestial room. They weren't vulgar or anything, but they were mundane and trivial. ??!?!?!? This was supposed to be a special-long awaited, much-anticipated crowning jewel for this individual and the conversations had there didn't belong in that room. (I know I probably sound judgy, but it's how I felt)
I want my experience in the temple to be like when I went with my sister and Aunt Denae, just before or after my mission. I don't remember the session, but I remember the conversation I had with the two of them. We talked about sacred things. It was edifying.
I remember the sessions I went to during my time at the MTC. I always noticed symbols and would excitedly point them out to one of the elders from my district that I'd become good friends with.
I remember doing sealings with Thomas and his parents when we were dating. We were looking at each other while the sealer performed the proxy ordinance with his parents and it's like we were at our own sealing. They taught me to look each other in the eye because you're standing in for the people that couldn't.
I learned not to go to the temple tired. Ask me in person for that experience. Needless to say, I don't go when I'm tired.
I remember going to do baptisms after my mission with my Colorado singles ward and one of the guys on the trip wasn't a member yet, but just tagged along. Later, we were dating and I needed to work some things out and I told him I was going to go home for a weekend and go to the temple for some answers. He answered flippantly, whoop-dee-doo...I was shocked...but what could I expect from a guy that wasn't even a member and didn't understand the significance. Turns out when I went to the temple back home that weekend, I ran into a yw camp leader I'd had and she was perfect for helping my understand my situation because she was living it. I had a question, and needed an answer. And I got it! I went with a purpose and the Lord saw that, and obliged. I don't think it needs to be a rare occasion. That's what the temple was created for(apart from the obvious ordinances) but it's a place of revelation if we prepare ourselves for it!
I remember going to the sealing of my mission companion and one of our converts. I remember a cousin that got sealed in the Provo City Center temple and how it was one of the the most profound ceremonies I'd been to, and the lessons were taught about the Atonement, and rebirth, and I knew they were so meaningful for my cousin. There's a whole lot more to that story, but not for here.
The temple is sacred. Dedicated. Not rote- Though the ordinances have to be done perfectly. It's a place of promised blessings. But I'm tried of it sometimes being treated as passe. Temple attendance is not just something you do every week. It's special. The book mentioned earlier says we have to learn how to learn.
I want to be better at actual worship in the temple. I wish it wasn't just a habitual ritual, like taking a shower, for my close contacts. I want it to be what it was made for.
I pray for forgiveness of treating it so common in the past(and know He smiles at me and just goes, oh Dana.), and hope it's not common for others. There's unlimited power and knowledge to be gained, if done so with the Spirit, and with thoughtfulness.
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